Dear Isis: We Get It, Now Chill

All the stuff we’ve got–you’re perfectly justified in throwing the world’s biggest hissy fit. It’s not fair.

Have fun in the desert, then hell…assholes. And by the way: nice sneakers.

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I’m sure you’ve been having a great time, fooling around with your bros in the desert, slaughtering some children, vandalizing irreplaceable cultural and archeological artifacts and maybe eating some cold, stale McDonalds. We’ve got to eat here, too,

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And drink.

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And you’ve got those bitchin’ Toyota HiLux trucks to cruise around. They’re cool, and we know something about cool:

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But I’m keeping you from your romantic life, luring vulnerable 14 year old school girls into becoming your slave-wives. Gotcha. Our standards are a little different here in America, kemo-sabe.

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